Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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