I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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