Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
