I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
