and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
