I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just invented taco cereal.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
