I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
