I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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