life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
