Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
