my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
