im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
