hotel room ftw
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
