worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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