Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
