I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
