I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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