thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
