8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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