Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need water and some morals
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
