I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
