we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
