i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
