Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
