Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
