I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
