she smelled like a LAN party
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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