Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Less talking, more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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