Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Even my vagina gasped.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Congratulations! We have a period
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