I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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