plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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