she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
