Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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