Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
