How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
