so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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