your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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