Your mouth is God's brothel.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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