I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
