I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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