It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
