I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
