first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
