Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Dear god my vagina.
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