UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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