Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
