I'm gonna have a badass scar
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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