she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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