She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
