I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
