Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
