He uses pillows to masturbate.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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