We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
