my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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