So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
