i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
