i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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