I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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