My liver just broke up with me...
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
