I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
